LIFE ISSUES FROM PROVERBS
People Management: Developing Healthy Relationships
Jerry A Collins
11/13/05
SCC
Ø
What
guidelines should I have for my friendships?
Ø
How does
God expect relationships to be in home?
Ø
What does
fearing God do with our relationship with Him?
Relationships
are things we cannot avoid or get away from. We establish some. Others are
established from us. And still new ones come into our lives along the way. How
does God expect us to manage these relationships in the marketplace, in the
home, in our friendships, with those in need and even our relationship with
God? Solomon addresses these issues for us throughout his writings of Proverbs.
Here he gives us wisdom and understanding as well as insight into how God
expects us to manage these relationships so that they bear the ripest fruit
possible. We will have them all of our lives and differing ones too. We will
glean these insights from the portion of Proverbs attributed as the Proverbs of
Solomon 10-22.
1. INSIGHT INTO OUR RELAS AT HOME
Here
is a list of these insights with explanations of each:
10:1 Be wise for
the benefit of your parents. A wise son is contrasted here with a foolish
son; in 13:1 with a mocker and 15:20
with a foolish man. This wise son is wise since he listens to parents teaching
5:1-2 and brings joy to his father (15:20;
23:15, 24; 27:11, 29:3). In contrast
a foolish son—a closed mind, stubborn, flippant, coarse—grieves his mother. The
idea is that both parents experience either the joy or grief accordingly just
as both are involved in teaching. The father is also grieved in other ways (17:21, 25; 19:13)
just as the mother is involved in the teaching (1:8; 4:3-4; 6:20). So remember your parents whenever you
are making decisions in your lives because those decisions can either bring
benefit of grief to them. Another lesson here is that our choices do effect others. The impact of a child’s
actions are profound in the lives of loving parents. Don’t live with
regret.
12:4 Be a wife who
elevates her husband not one who brings decay. This woman is called a
virtuous woman or an excellent woman or a noble woman. Her character is such
that she is like a crown on her husband’s head. That is, her strength of
character makes her husband elevated and honored in the eyes of colleagues,
comrades, friends, associates and family. She adds dignity to him. In contrast
is the disgraceful wife, the one who shames him, demeans him, decays his bones
mentioned several times in Proverbs (3:8; 14:30; 15:30; 16:24; 17:22)
suggesting that spiritual and physical health are related in some way. Here her
shame gives her husband inner pain bringing rottenness to his bones. Designed
to bring into each other’s lives the deepest sense of connectedness, instead it
brings decay and demolition. Uphold God’s design for you as a wife to your
husband.
2. INSIGHT INTO OUR RELAS WITH THE NEEDY
Here
is another list of insights into our rela with those
in need:
14:21 Be generous to the
poor it is like lending to God. Verse 20 refers to people shunning their
poor, namely, his neighbor. This is called sin in vs
21. Here we have a contrast in these verses with the social problem of the poor
and the fact that many people want to befriend the rich. In 21 contrasts
showing hatred or contempt toward one’s poor neighbor with giving kindness. The
one is sin ad the other is kind. Be that! Besides the economic frustrations
that come with poverty. Poor people suffer socially as people often refuse to
associate with them. 19:4, 7 both say the results of wealth and poverty are friends verses lonliness and even
the loss of close relatives. 19:17
says that the result of helping the needy is that God repays the helper. Being kind to the feeble, weak and helpless means going beyond
pity. It refers to giving a helping hand, t meeting heir needs in
tangible ways. This kind of benevolence is like lending to the Lord as it is an
investment God will reward. God honors people’s generosity with His own
generosity! Stinginess is never encouraged or rewarded in the Bible. Everything
is on the side of benevolence, generosity, magnanimousness. You cannot out-give
God and He has a special place in His heart for the poor and the outcast. We
are coming upon a season when old scrooge will remind us after he learns his
lesson about the need to be continuously generous and helpful to those in need.
21:13 Be careful not to
ignore the pleas of the poor. In 14:31
we are warned not to oppress the poor in 17:5 not to mock the poor and here not
to ignore the poor. That means do not take advantage of the poor to serve me
and my needs in some way since doing so is like sinning against God. That means
do not be malicious toward the poor
in 17:5 bringing them further
ruin since all the poor are made in God’s image as all people are and to mock
them like his is to speak against God their maker. That means do not
heartlessly ignore the needs of the poor or he will be ignored in his day of
calamity 21:13. We will always have the poor with us. God will bless, repay,
honor and care for those caring.
3. INSIGHT INTO OUR FRIENDSHIPS
Our
friendships can either make us or break us. First, there are relationships we
must avoid.
13:20 Be aware of
associating with fools, gossips and scoffers. When you associate with fools
it will bring problems. Since your association can influence for good and bad,
it is imperative that you steer clear of being with the foolish for they speak
without knowledge 14:7. They cannot offer the young anything of value. Fools
are thickheaded, dull, harsh and unwillingly to listen to wisdom. Since
gossiping betrays a confidence (20:19
cp 11:13) a person ought to be
careful with whom he shares secrets. Gossiping is condemned in 16:28; 18:8;
26:20, 22. So people who talk too much should be avoided because they will most
likely divulge information that should be kept confidential. Then 22:10 says a
mocker 9:7-8, 12; 31:1; 14:6; 15:12; 19:25, 29; 21:11, 24, 24:9) causes strife
in relationships. This is contention, quarreling and insults. So by removing a
troublemaker, trouble also leaves with him. Just like for Gaveston
during King Edward 11’s reign in Medievel England.
One of those national tragedies of a favorite in the royal court who was hated
by the magnates and was banished and upon his unlawful and arrogant return was
arrested in beheaded. A troublemaker is like that causing
strife—avoid this one or else he will bring your life to ruin.
17:14 Be committed to
resolving conflict and strengthening good friendships. Starting a quarrel
may seem like a minor matter in the beginning. But it often grows beyond
control like a small crack in a dam which increases in size until the dam
beaks. So the answer is to refuse to let the issue fester—it should instead be
dropped before a dispute even starts. In 17:17
& 18:24 we learn that both the
friend and the brother are to be valued. So true friends, and relatives are
faithful in times of adversity as well as prosperity. Do everything you can to
strengthen these relationships because the value of a friend is love and help
at all times.
1. Increase the quality of our relationships in the
family. This is honoring to God and will be for a long time. 2. Increase
sensitivity for the poor and determine to meet every need you can. 3. Increase your
good relas and remove harmful ones now.